Great expectations..

And so it was an unusually fresh and beautiful morning at office and moments after taking my seat in a sumptuously upbeat temper, I frivolously picked up a quote from the prized cornucopia of 'good morning quotes' I possess, and with a lofty state of mind, group-mailed it to my circle. The quote I happened to broadcast was a faint replica of this: "Never expect things from others as expectations always hurt."

No sooner did I send out the mail than my in-basket on Outlook chirped as new mails kept popping in , all of which were sent in response to the mail I had sent. They were something like this:

"This is what I kept saying. You expect a bit too much from your friends."

"How true !! Expectations always hurt. "

"Precisely !! It'd be nice if you don't expect things from everyone which includes me also ..hehe.. and you’d notice that life is more enjoyable."

"Correcccccct ra.. Expectations are bad. "

One of the responses was from someone who knows me inside out and I was quite clueless on how to react to that mail. I totally respect the individual's perception but may be I wasn't won over by his opinion. In fact there were two responses which victoriously persuaded me into pondering if I really expect a '200%' from my people and I wondered if life can be an uninterrupted festivity if expectations are clipped out . On a very candid note, though it was I who sent across that quote to everyone, I was not in agreement with it ( now don't ask me why I sent it. I sent it simply :P)

'Are expectations so unfulfillable that they should never be made ? ' - was my question.

There were quite a few instances where I and a couple of other friends were blamed for being a bit too high on 'expectancy quotient'.

Abridged extracts from a few experiences:

(i) Wanting your best friend to call you after having made numerous frantic calls to him/her(all of which were unattended) and having written to him/her on how important it is for you to talk to him/her.

(ii) A woman gets outrageously demoralized when she doesn't receive a call of concern from her husband after she reaches Delhi at an unearthly 2 a.m. all alone.

(iii)Waiting for your close friend to affectionately put his/her hand around you , cheer you up and make you talk when you are hurt or lonely or in low spirits .

(iv)Hoping that your soul mate meets you on your birthday so that you could hear that excessively affectionate ' You are my world' from him/her.

(v) While you take the initiative (of either calling/mailing/messaging) 9 out of every 10 times, desiring that your friend at least does it the remaining 1 time. It hurts to do it all 10 times yourself. When a relationship waters down from a two-sided to a one-sided one, it begins to strain.

Do these things really qualify to be great expectations?

If yes, I beg to differ with the majority and feel that these are more of moral responsibilities and duties, basic communication, courtesies, initiatives and manners which form the base of any relationship.

Assuming that I invited a friend to join me and my family for dinner the next day and he doesn't seem to turn up till late in the evening the next day, it is my moral responsibility to give him a call and ask "Hey what's taking you so long ? Have you started?" ?. I can't really care a damn to him, have a rejoicing dinner with my family and merrily slumber and snore away. He'd have certainly expected a call of concern from me. This doesn't mean that my friend 'expects' a lot from me. All it means is that a single call of 15 seconds would have made him feel so very warm and wanted; it would have reassured him that his presence at my place is being longed for.

Small gestures like these which exude concern and care are enough to make your people feel so special and that you need and enjoy their company so much.

I am not really sure if these can be termed ‘expectations’. These are the basic conversations and initiatives which come very naturally in friendship. They don’t have to be explicitly expected or taught; they just flow by involuntarily, out of sheer affection. If these fundamental initiatives are indeed expectations, I make these ‘expectations’ only from a preciously few people.

When I blame a close friend for being unresponsive, inexpressive and not taking enough initiatives, it neither means that I am insulting him and nor does it mean that I am a ‘thope’. It only means that there is an element of completeness in life if he is around. There is a whiff of untellable contentment which I feel in his company and conversations. The very fact that I could afford to blame him/her speaks volumes about how important he/she is to me. I wouldn’t care to blame a stranger, would I?

I’d never expect to be called and cared for, by the others outside my circle as I am neither tied to them and nor am I hurt by their neglectful gestures. This means expectations are only for my people.

I wouldn't care to call them 'my people' if I don't expect anything of them. The moment I'd stop expecting things from my people would be the moment when my love for them would begin to diminish. It would be that fateful occasion when the bonding I had always had with them would not be striking a chord in me any more. It would be that unfortunate second from when the ties I had always had with them would snap forever.

When you proclaim that you never expect things of anyone:

1) you have no ties with anyone

or

2) you are a hypocrite.

There cannot be an option 3 where you have a firm attachment and yet don’t expect. No sincere relationship on earth can ever be possible without expectations.

‘Expectation’ is that ethereally beauteous institution which draws the line between people who are always yours and people who are not.

The golden gospel of life is that 'expectation' is something that defines all your relationships and makes them more purposeful. Expectations are naturally embedded into the framework of all your close relationships and effectively, they tend to form the essence of every relationship. Expectations and relationships are inseparable entities, none of them being able to exist without the other. It is these 'expectations' that add meaning, purpose and beauty to every relationship on earth.

Being heaped with expectations, is an honor in itself as it is a clear-cut indication of how much you are loved, cared and wanted in somebody else's life.

I expect from my people coz I love them unconditionally. I expect coz they fulfil and complete my life. I expect coz they are my world. I expect coz I firmly believe that life is all about living in these invaluable relationships.

In the pursuit of living my life completely, I don’t think I can ever stop expecting, as long as I can keep loving .. coz the moment I'd stop expecting would be the moment I'd stop loving..

P.S.:

1) The number of people who love you madly can be counted on ur fingers. Whether to love them back or to ignore them is in your hands.

2) Any relationship requires equal contribution from both the people involved. One-sided relationships don’t last forever. One person cannot stand at the giving end always. It hurts to be taken for granted.

3) Words like ‘sorry’, ‘thank you’ , ‘please’ have a magical effect and can resurrect and repair any relationship – I am not sure if these are expectations; but they are manners for sure.

4 )Phrases like 'i love you' , 'you mean so much to me' , ' u r one of my best friends' would revive the sagging levels of satisfaction and purge any trace of insecurity in a person. Being expressive always pays.

5) The only possible expectation in any relationship would be affection in return and nothing else.

6)Expectations are not wrong. In fact not making expectations is wrong. Feeling the pain of not receiving affection back (or unfulfilled expectations for that matter, both are the same anyway) is a part of life. This pain brings with it a sense of indefinably weird addiction and comfort. If you avoid the pain, life is not complete.

Be it any relationship- there is love and hence, expectations. With love and expectations are problems. With problems are growth and realization - greater the problem, greater the profundity in your experience.

Instead of resisting yourself from expecting things from others , emancipate your heart and give it the liberty to expect.

Dedicated to

My tight circle.

If I've blamed any of you for not having taken enough initiatives, it only means that I need and love you all so much. - I can't say this to any one else :D

An interview of my 'dreams' !!

My recent junket to Tirumala to attend a dear friend's wedding was an unbelievably phenomenal experience as it was by far the best wedding I ever attended in all these years. Be it the inherent holy atmosphere permeated with melodious chants, be it the flawless hospitality of the hosts, be it the tacit but conspicuous love between the bride and the groom or be it the extremely delectable food served on banana leaves, it was an experience I will cherish for the times to come!!! The enchanting charisma of the couple and the magic of their intense bonding wafted across the place and swept me off my feet and it was then I felt that ‘marriage’ makes complete sense when it comes to couples like them who share such an amazing quantum of understanding, faith and love.

The august wedding drew to an elegant close in the wee hours of a sunday and I sauntered down the street to reach 'Vaikuntam'. A closer look at each of the ‘Queue Complexes’(each of them meant for Dharma Darshan, Sudarshan and Sheegra Darshan) almost stupefied me as all the 3 of them were equally and astonishingly mammoth and impenetrable, fraught with sleep-deprived men, impatient women who calmed their wailing children by giving them a futile swinging motion in their laps, and senior citizens who propped themselves on the railing of the foot-over bridge.

Though I was flustered at the idea of seeking His darshan , in an attempt to please mom, who cautioned me against a darshanless visit to Tirumala, I forced myself into the queue, successfully sought His darshan after a good 3 hours and came back to the guest house with laddoos and not to forget, with a deluge of questions which had fountained in my mind during the 3-hour journey to His sanctum santorum. Fully drained out, I somehow fell prey to the monstrous sleep within, which was constantly pulling down my eyelids with too tremendous a force.

And then, I dreamt of something really unusual.. That I grabbed a chance to interview the Almighty Himself. !! Thus I reported..

'The Almighty allows us to gain a peek into His personal life as He squeezes some time out of His tight schedules.. So here He is in a tete-a-tete with the 'Times'.. '

I: So how does it feel to be the Creator of the universe? I mean the prayers, sevas, pujas, jewellery, prasadam, splendour, diyas , opulence, wealth and most importantly the devotees who queue up for tens and twenties of hours only to catch a glimpse of You ? How is the feeling like ?

God: (Smiles) Being candid, you guys make me feel so very special. In fact I feel so flattered.. But again, playing God is not all that easy you see..I have so many prayers to listen to , umpteen wishes to grant and a lot of 'prasadam' to relish (laughs). So my job really gets tough at times.

I: ' Prayers to listen' .. What kind of prayers do You listen to? Like, lakhs of pilgrims throng the place with hopes of getting their desires fulfilled and most of them sometimes go through hassles and stampedes only to see You.. So does it mean that the prayers of only those who've had such an ordeal are answered by You ?

God: Absolutely not !! I never asked people to come down here and make a wish.. I never expect my devotees to have a hassled journey in order to see me either.. If my people choose to come here and see me , it's just a matter of their belief and satisfaction which I totally appreciate.. And for your information I am omnipresent.. If you wish to , you might as well stay at your place and pray to me.. I shall be all ears to your requests.. !!

I: Well.. while I was standing in the queue, I saw this board indicating the various sevas and their astronomical prices ..


I just learnt that performing these sevas is the best way to please You.. I am certain that there are lakhs of Your devotees whose monthly income is much lesser than the costs of most of these sevas. Does it mean that it's only the economically stable ones who can please You and not the others who can't afford those sevas ?

God: I will overthrow your argument in just one sentence. My abode in Chilkur doesn't have any of the sevas and pujas you are talking about. In fact , it doesn't even have a hundi. Am I not answering your prayers there ? Thousands of people, on a daily basis, come down to thank me for fulfilling their desires.

The concepts of 'God' and 'religion' are being misinterpreted and hyped by all of you. I never asked you to perform these 'sevas' to impress me.. Nor do I favour those who perform them. In fact I answer every single , simple and honest prayer which is said from your heart.

I: To tell You the truth, I came to see You only coz mom insisted. She feels You are easily angered and that going back home without taking Your darshan might annoy You. True?

God: LOL !!!All that's balderdash dear !! That's just a gimmick of your elders to ensure discipline. Anger is the most destructive weapon !! .. I just can't run the universe if I am annoyed for trivial reasons. And you should have gone to your guest house and taken rest, I wouldn't have minded it !! I am not an attention-monger !! Please !! (smiles)

I: You said You are omnipresent. Where else can I see You ?

God: As against the common notion, I don't really possess a definite form or shape. I am rather the massive force which drives the universe. I reside in the rays of the sun at the crack of dawn, in the cold of an evening breeze , in the fragile petals of a flower and in the wetness of every drop of rain which sprouts life on soil .

I am the reason behind the greenery of plants and the blueness of the profound sky. You can feel me in the eternal love of your mom, concern of your siblings, and in the priceless affection of your friends. I am nothing but the consolidation of all the goodness of the world.

I: Anything that You'd like to convey to Your devotees ?

God: Stop banking on mere prayers and start working out things for yourselves. Though I decide the fate of everyone on earth, let me confess, I give in to indomitable fighters who relentlessly fight their fate written by me to live a life of their choice. !!

'Praying' for yourself is a selfish phenomenon. Praying coupled with 'sevas' to impress me and to get your things done is even more a selfish act. Instead of supplicating me for a thousand things for yourself , try praying for peace and happiness in the world.

I: Ok .. Thanks a lot for Your ...

My friend Dhaston, who was gallivanting around Tirumala all throughout the while I was sleeping, slammed the door in impatience as he had been waiting for me to open the door for quite some time. I woke up from my deep slumber to open the door for him.

"Parthu !!!! You were sleeping ??? Don't want to get back to Hyderabad ? Get ready for God's sake !! We are getting late for the train."

P.S. :

-> The first paragraph of this post is dedicated to Sreekanth and Kamala, the protagonists of a wonderful love story which culminated in the extraordinary wedding I attended in Tirumala.

-> Sreeku, I can't get my hair pulled and my ears twisted (:D :D )by dedicating the rest of the blog to both of you. I know you wouldn't really appreciate the not-so-devout opinions written above. Hehe.. :D

-> Gifting both of you a cornucopia filled with joy, success, serendipity, laughter, peace and pleasant surprises :-)

Yours,
Parthu :D

Ohh Shut Up !!!

Being back to my favourite avocation after quite a long hiatus , I somehow find myself handcuffed by a few thoughts which are sadly playing dampeners , untiringly endeavouring to dilute my rather high spirits to release this post. The meatier of the two negative thoughts being ' What if the write up paints a prudish picture of me which might eventually grimace and pour scorn on the very attitude of my friends and peers. The other one which is badgering me into quitting this post is ' Isn't it too late for this preachy crap to be out ? '

Well, I really do not know how powerful and concrete the above dampeners are !! All I know at this moment is perhaps the swelling river of impatience in me has just crossed the final danger mark , completely collapsing the floodgates of patience which kept monitoring it for years !!

Not being co educationally schooled, I wasn't probably exposed to this behavior among friends, which came across as weird in the beginning but which gradually transformed into something deeply detestable.

My first experience happened during my first year of engineering when I surreptitiously managed to occupy one of the window seats in my college bus trying my best not to attract the attention of a menacing gang of so called 'seniors' who arrogantly occupied the rear-most string of seats in the bus, desperately waiting to pounce upon juniors and make belittling and derogatory remarks about them ( an act considered a fundamental right of every senior in college).

A minute after I occupied my seat, a girl got in and due to the cramped seating arrangement in the bus, chose to stand all throughout the journey to college. A minute after she got in , one of my 'respectable' seniors brazenly remarked ' Hey maama, aa pilla donkey laa undhi' !!!
I lay aghast to the core at the outrageous language that rogue was resorting to !! Quite candidly, I was fully ignorant about the fact that people unhesitatingly make vile comments about the appearance of the opposite sex.

Boiling down to strict facts, the ill-mannered rascal who made that comment himself resembled a monkey with a matted hairstyle and a 'color-guarantee complexion' while the girl who bore that remark happened to be a gifted one with an enormous prowess in holding huge crowds mesmerized with her flawless language. What I still wonder ( after around four years ) is what the heck did that uncultured brute think about himself !! Who did he think he is a spitting-image of ? Imraan or Ranbhir or Ruslaan or was it Siddharth ?? I never understood !!




This incident just kickstarted an almost tumultous emotional reciprocation me which lasted for the next four years, and is sadly still on !! At the summit of exhaustion , I was coerced into questioning myself if the people around me were really qualified to pursue a decent professional course. I always pondered and wondered as to who was it , who actually pressed them into action, shouldering them with a mammoth responsibility spanning from judging the looks of a girl and pronouncing the verdict whether her smile is enchanting or not, to roguishly giving an overall rating of her appearance.





Well, clinging to an all so candid opinion,( trying to ignore the fact that I would draw a lot of flak and brickbats to the following opinion) what I could observe in common among these comment-mongers is 90% of them fall below the mediocre mark and 5% of them barely touch the mediocre mark when it comes to their own looks and appearances. In a way it reminds me of an aphorism which I learnt in my childhood : " Empty vessels make more noise".



There have been numerous occasions where I have been extremely desperate to blurt out and question them, "Oh so you resemble Ranbhir right ? :| ". Handsome guys don't generally , I emphasize, "generally" don't prefer playing judges to others' looks. Even if a good- looking guy disdains the looks of a blonde , the onlookers are atleast left with an option to arrive at a conclusion : ' May be that guy is arrogant about his snazzy look'.

What excuse do the others have when they are on a judging spree , assuring and allowing themselves to pass such abusive remarks round the clock ? Aren't they making a fool of themselves , cutting a very sorry figure of their own selves in public??

Are girls only a source to cause titillations ?? Are they only meant to be ogled at ?? What perturbs me is the fact that the very first thing that crackles to life in our minds when we run into a dame, is how curvaceous or voluptuous or s**y she is !!




Winning dozens of degrees doesn't suffice. There is more to life than casting amorous glances at every woman. It's about being able to treat everyone equally as humanbeings and definitely not as things which satisfy carnal pleasures.












Desire when you deserve.

Judge only when you are qualified to.



Regards

What does the train know ??

"Hey Tarun, let's go to the railway station. Renuka Aunty and Pratima are coming down to Hyderabad to spend their vacation."

" Railway Station ?? Wow !!!! Wonderful dad !!!! I'll get ready in a minute !!! "

For so many years , the term 'railway station' either meant receiving relatives or setting out on tours.. The very phrase 'railway station' would unflinchingly trigger a rather unusual biological mechanism in my body, which would cause the flooding of the adrenaline reservoir , making it inevitable for me to flash a broad and toothy grin , and which would force me to let out a holler in supreme excitement..More fascinating and intriguing to me was the 'railway jargon', what I call.. The words 'arrival', 'departure' , 'platform number', ' luggage' , 'super-fast express' would sometimes oblige me to serenade even to the sorrowful muzak being perennially played on Doordarshan , so much so ,that I was gifted with a toy train with which I always played 'railway station - railway station'... :D

Those innocent days find a place in the first few leaves of my memorabilia. Over the past few months , the same railway station and the same jargon strangely don't bring about the same reaction in me !! Life is so uncanny I always thought..

Everyday here, I don't hesitate to take some time off to smoothly fly back to July 2nd'09 , Nampally Station , 8:30 pm , Platform Number 1. That day , it seemed to me, as if life was on the cusp of a very impactful change. I had my humongous luggage being stuffed and chained beneath the azure colored berths.. Lucky as I always consider myself, I had all my friends who had come to wave me good bye and to wish me good luck .. Sitting inside the bogie and looking through the window at my family , I realized that I wouldn't be coming back to Hyderabad atleast in the near future..I somehow knew that I wouldn't be able to spend the same quantum of time with my family as I always did.. !!

Finally the clock struck 8:40. The train started moving. I looked into the eyes of my parents. I could then feel a hurricane of emotions within me and my parents as well. I could catch a glimpse of them for a fleeting moment... But living that moment , stifling that hurricane in my heart, which continually threatened me of outbursting , imploring my tear glands not to squirt even a drop of it, atleast for that minuscule moment was so much of an ordeal !!

Not only this , but seeing off Sowmya (long before I started for Poona) and bidding good bye to Divya and Gayathri at the Poona Railway Station was an equally harrowing experience.

I now feel a question constantly irking my brains. 'What does the train know ?' It doesn't know how many hearts it breaks. It zooms its way completely being unconcerned about the despair of a mom who has always shared her grief and petty insecurities with her son and who has never imagined being distanced from him. The flea-ridden train keeps itself aloof from understanding the hassles of a father who is forever apprehensive about his son's well being. It cares a damn to the last warm hug of two lovebirds , who are being dragged apart mercilessly from each other for an unknown amount of time.. The dunderhead train remains unsuccessful in wiping out the tears emanating from the eyes of a dejected sister who'll be missing her brother..

I have now developed a sort of an aversion towards the train itself. I now don't feel an iota of excitement when I go to the station. All I can sense there is a miasma of downcast parents , disappointed friends and teary-eyed siblings.

What does the train know ? All it knows is how to hoot at ear-splitting decibels and carry people across different places.. All it knows is how to callously give a cold shoulder to all the emotional tornadoes happening among thousands of hearts everyday..

Dedicated to

my family,

Cnu , Anil, Bharath , Kiran , Kranthi, Srinivas Reddy, Annapurna, Kalpana ( my dear friends who came to see me off at the station.. My apologies if I am missing out anyone's name. I intend to thank everyone who saw me off that day)

And that enviable pair of lovebirds who got distanced after the training in Poona.

Rare moments of joy..

29th July '09 was the day .. the memory of which has been etched out with immense artistry on the interior of my cardiac, the reminiscence of which shall never be wiped out even by the passage of time. This happens to be the day I received my first pay cheque :-). Those moments when the HR actually handed over the cheque to me, those moments of pride when I held it to myself, the joy which completely ignored the quantum of salary I received, the innocent exuberance with which I called up mom to share my excitement , shall always remain too much for words..

It so happens that during our respective journeys, which are so very diminutive and which are mostly carried out on bumpy roads , forever complete with unjustified , unanticipated and unwarranted speed breakers, it is only preciously rare occasions like these which keep on rejuvenating us and refuelling the 'hope-tank' from time to time.

Too pricey a bargain ...

I've been dwelling here like the proverbial 'frog in the well' for all these years.. This is the place where I started my voyage almost twenty two years ago.. This is where I learnt my morals and values..This is where I cried and laughed , I was dejected and enthused, I lay trounced and also basked in the glory of my success..This is the same place which schooled me in one of the most elite institutions..This is the city which allowed me to graduate from a decent university.. Thanks to this place , I can brag about my priceless family , I can boast of my prized friends, .. Cutting it short, Hyderabad is where I've had my roots for such long a time..Hyderabad is the place which reared me so gingerly and saw me emerge from a rough stone into a polished one !!







I could feel a landmine blast in the interior of my cardiac , when I learnt that I have to cross the frontiers of my city and start a life afresh in a new place only to shape my career.. In today's age where travelling across the seas for settling down permanently has become so commonplace , moving to a mere 12 hr distant city from Hyderabad might not seem a concern to the onlookers at all.. But for someone who has never crossed the borders of Hyderabad too often and who has always been tied inseparably to his family, moving permanently to another city and living on his own without any parental help might seem quite arduous..











Shifting to another place obviously means forsaking so many things which are so very dear to me.. I'll miss the delectable food made by my mom , about which I always groused..I'll miss my comp on which I spend half of my life orkutting and chatting.. I have to forget all the reunions, birthday treats and movies with my school and inter friends with whom I deliberately pick up arguments over petty issues :D


I may not get an opportunity to catch a glimpse of the million-dollar view of those cute little ones playing in the park every evening..Most importantly I am going to terribly miss my mom ,dad and sis with whom I have been living all my life with..




I may not be in town to see the tears of joy and pride in my parents' eyes when I get my first pay..I'll feel the absence of my nieces who call me 'chinanna ' with immense affection.. I am thoroughly sceptical if I'll be able to attend the wedding of that cousin of mine , whom I've built all kinds of houses and wells in the backyard and spent all my summer holidays with.. I don't even know as to when I'll get to see her the next time..Probably by the next time I come to my home town, all my friends will have set out on their own journeys to reach their destinations..




But it dawns on me that there is something which needs urgent importance at this moment which is far above my petty complaints. And that's my career.. The compulsion and need to establish one's own self is probably of paramount importance to anyone..I gradually conclude that my future is just a test of the strength of the very foundation of all the morals , values and lessons I've imbibed in these years.. Not everybody who is close to our heart stays with us forever.. Destiny and time are the most ruthless entities which never allow the anticipated and speculated things to happen.. Their idiosyncrasy is to continually launch missiles of surprises into our lives..With no idea of the amount of time I'd be taking to come back permanently , I feel a prickle of guilt if the bargain for my career has been a bit too pricey..


I look forward to meeting you all through my next post..
Best regards & cheers !

An albatross around my neck ??

My blogspace has undoubtedly been an incredible agony aunt of mine for quite some time.. Oflate I realize that the levels of proximity I share with it are mounting high with such a great pace that any unwarranted speculation of my life taking a sharp swerve or any unjustified premonition of losing out on my prized possessions or just another surge of desire to publicize my guilt pangs would immediately press me to desperately run to my blog with an enormous faith that the massive intensity of all my dismays and apprehensions would forthwith slash down by a hundred times.

This incident which happened a few weeks ago rekindled the torch of discontentment in me which I've always tried to extinguish with a water of stupid reconcilement..

Technical Lead: Ok guys..so your next assignment is on video podcasting where you have to create a video on a topic of your choice.. Ensure that you are in present in the video .. (and the list of requirements were never ending)

All the students: (With that inevitable grin of technical satisfaction) Hey wow !! How interesting is that !! How innovative it is to create a video... How creative is the assignment..How wonderful it is to be present in the video...How beautiful will I look (and the praises for the assignment continued indefinitely to glory)

Looking at my peers who were all so jubilant and excited and especially a girl who was almost ready to start doing the assignment in the office itself with her conspicuous technical hunger, I realized that I did not even have a smidgeon of the technical fervour which my colleagues possessed.

I know it fully well that its an absolute offence to each and every second of the solid 4 years of my engineering when I say that I have no inclination for anything technical..Perhaps I turned out to be an out and out misfit in the firmament of engineering.. I do not know if I even wronged my very decision of taking up engineering six long years ago.. Over and over again I've tried hard to wake up the technical genius in me which is slumbering away to glory, only to emerge as a 'bull in a china shop'. I still fail to understand why I am coerced into concluding that technical stuff is just not my cup of tea !!

And this discontentment tranforms into a terrific anguish when I sincerely share my emotions with my friends and they immediately rubbish it off accusing all my feelings of sheer pretence.. The facts that I've been the topper of my class and that I got placed into a company which conducts an X-ray test of your technical abilities have probably become people's weapon against me !! I have no answer as to how I have a decent aggregate.. I have no answer as to how I topped ..

All I can say is that my interests lie in literary activities.. English has always been my first love..My blog is my best friend..I feel a surge of desire to scale new heights by tapping my skills in writing.. I long to establish my career in the world of literarature..I pray to the Lord Almighty to proffer me a wondrous career in the field I long and excel.. I am scared I might compromise and then convince myself like the other scores of people and finally stick to something I don't enjoy.. By and by I learnt how potent the entity called "TIME" is.. So I bow down my head in total reverence to its supremacy , leaving the fate of my career to it. I now move on with a profound belief that my future is in safe hands..