Taking the U-turn ...

Well, I wonder why our past always seems more glorious than the present — typical human psychology? I wish I could go back to school and college! I wish I could go back to those days when I used to dish out a blog every month!  I wish I could relive my first year at ADP and re-experience those days when I'd wait for Mondays as  office was great fun!  It’s crazy how times change so much that we find solace in the past and forget the present.  

This time, I don’t really have anything specific to discuss—except to make the fact public that after high drama, suspense and mayhem, my tryst with ADP is all set to come to a graceful close. How much I'm going to miss looking at this logo every day! 

It's been over 3.5 years that I've left college—and I had no slightest clue that by the end of these 3.5 years, I'd have finished studying a bulky "encyclopedia" full of lessons—one lesson a day! 

Today, when I take a moment to look back at all the years I lived, the only void, I figure, was my four-year stint of engineering. I vehemently feel that I made a mockery of myself during those four years. There was a miss in almost everything – "making enough friends," "making the right career choice" and being “industry-ready.” It was no “Happy Days” for me at all!

It’s quite bizarre that I made "friends for life" before and after my engineering, but not “during” it.  Except for a few female friends, who are my best buddies even today, I didn't quite score excellent grades in “friendship” during my engineering.

This discomfort in me was “time bombed” with precision on March 8, 2010, the day my rendezvous with ADP began. And the rest is history!

I have no idea if I could really develop any technical capability during my stay at ADP, but the numerous encounters with a diverse set of colleagues at ADP taught me lessons I’d never forget. The most valuable lesson I could absorb from an important person, whom I met at ADP, was about “What it takes to be a ‘man’?” As a newspaper article I read years ago rightly mentioned, “Manliness doesn't lie under the belt,” I feel “manliness” lies somewhere well above the belt, somewhere in the chest—and right in the heart!

It’s interesting why we don’t associate love, warmth, loyalty and promise with “manliness”! Manliness is not about fathering children or about how many ladies you floor— but it’s “manliness” when you successfully instill confidence in just “one woman” that you’d stand tall by her even in the most unfavorable of circumstances. It’s "manliness" when you keep your promise and continue to hold her hand even when the whole world pits her against you. It’s then that you become a “man.”

With progressing age and experience, I understand the intricacies of family, siblings, friends and maintaining relationships more than I did before. I figure what is important and what is not, and also who is important and who's not. 

The growing interactions and experiments with people at ADP brought me to another remarkable realization that when "emotions" take the better of you—be it sorrow, hatred, anger, jealousy or even joy—you're nothing! Just nothing! In fact when emotions go overboard, irrespective of gender, background, creed, age and education—all of us stand in the same line. We act equally insane, equally obsessed and equally crippled .

With a whirlwind of these thoughts on my mind, I get ready to swerve “West” for my master’s. While I pack these twenty-five years of life into my three-piece baggage (Well, that's the limit Air India has to offer.) I realize that my 'hare' brain is being thronged by stray thoughts.  I call this a "U-turn" because I never wanted to fly for my master's. And that' s exactly what I'm doing now :P  Oh yes I'm tired being a run-of-the-mill Libran—confused, fickle, whimsical and unstable.


I've gotten ready to pay the exorbitant price of staying away from my family and close friends. “I miss you” would be an understatement for the hurricane of thoughts going on. So let me not say anything except for wishing each of you the very best in your lives!

I have no idea about when I’d make a return journey to Hyderabad, but it’s good bye until then!  

Love! 



Dedicated to “Automatic Data Processing”- the best thing that happened to me in these two-and-a-half decades!

My profound thanks to Sowmya and Ambareesh for getting me referred through “Pehchaan,” the internal referral process in ADP.

My best wishes and hugs to “Lazy Pay” members – Sreekanth, Mirza, Dhaston, Manjusha, Swathi and Lunch Friends – Surya and Pavan

My regards and wishes to Aaditya Mathur – I’ll always cherish the lovely times spent with you on floor, mostly “gossiping” :P  We've never behaved as responsible adults! LOL ..

The OutBoundLearning (OBL) at Gauribidanur introduced me to two more important friends – Vamshi and Joshna – They’ve been with me from the start of my applications till the close of my visa interview. My heartfelt gratitude for their outstanding support and invaluable friendship. Let me know if there’s a stronger phrase than “I’ll miss you.”  I’d certainly remember my 25th birthday party you guys have organized for decades to come! Thank you for everything!!

My other OBL friends – Anudeep and Sneha–I have equally cherishable memories with you. Good luck! 

The elixir of life ..

Twenty-four years, four months and fifteen days. No two seconds of this adventurous travel have been the same as every second kept changing. 'Change' has invariably been the motto of my life, the essence of it, the synonym and in fact the very definition of my life; a sagacious few, I remember, have remarked that the only constant thing in our lives is 'change.'

Over so many years, change has enveloped me. My school of thought, opinions, emotions, reactions, disposition, personality, my know-how, my language, habits, hobbies, priorities, my choices, apparel - all of them have taken turns to prostrate before this evangelist called 'change' and reverentially allowed themselves to be the subjects of this ecclesiastical conjurer who kept waving his magic wand and changing their shades time and again.

I confess that I've melodiously kept singing the change anthem every day and I lay fully engrossed in the change theater. But sometimes commonplace and everyday events, flick on new light on my rather obtuse brain, and persuade it to sink its teeth on a fresh fodder of thought.

One day, as I dexterously prepared extra-large morsels of sambhar rice and hastily threw them down my throat (for the fear of missing my train), Mom started off listing out her "Do's and Don'ts" for me once I reach Bangalore. Starting from 'Don't venture out into crowded places' to 'have proper three meals,' she recited her usual piece of poetry, as she normally does, each time I travel. But her 'travel prescription,' which I always dismissed off saying “Ma please, I know it,” this time, surprisingly struck me with an incredible quantum of impact.

Each time I moved out of town, the list of cautions my parents come up with, has been the same. Even today, when I go out for work in the morning, their list of directions are the same as what they used to be when I started going to school in 1991. Though I was content that my life kept changing on a daily basis, I somehow failed to appreciate the fact that my parents haven't changed an iota. Over the years, the warmth of their love hasn't changed and it finally occurred to me that the change theory isn't applicable to my parents.

Quoting another incident, during early December, my school, as usual made it to the list of top schools in India and ever since I read this piece of news, I have had an irrepressible longing to visit school and so I did. As I embraced my teachers and spoke my heart out to them on the day of the Alumni Meet, it pleasantly dawned on me that they still had the same measure of commitment and penchant for teaching as they did when I left school. Amazingly one of my teachers has been serving Little Flower for the past 47 years with the same zeal and fervor for imparting education ! Can you imagine that ?

My teachers perennially continue to be the pillars of this phenomenal institution and all of them are still with school, magnanimously parting with their life for the cause of education since decades galore. This unchanged glory and repute of Little Flower High School and the unchanged zest for excellence on the part of my teachers make me a proud alumnus of this divine institution. No wonder it still continues to be one among the best schools of India. The reason behind its roaring success, I firmly believe, is the unchanged morals and values it was built upon, 58 years ago.

Sometimes, not everything changes. And the moment they change, they lose their beauty and their purpose. I wouldn't want a change in the quantum of love my family has for me. I'd hate to see a change in the repute of my school. Just for a change, I don't want the comfort zone I share with a few old friends to take a beating.

I don't think I'd accept the sky and water turning yellow, the earth stopping its rotation, the sun declaring its decision not to shine - just for a change. Would you even afford to think of the consequences?

Taking this a step ahead, you'd realize that some of the most successful relationships in life are the ones that don't change. Relationships with parents, siblings, a few good old mates , most of the times, don't change coz the measure of emotions involved have grown thicker and thicker, reach the apex and finally defy any possible change. These relationships are immortal just like the sun, moon and the stars. They have no death, they have no change destined.

While these immortal relationships, despite occasional tiffs and misunderstandings, remain constant over the time, some other relationships undergo ‘change’ and fizzle out with time. And God knows the reasons why some are change-resistant and some others are not.

While it's totally true that you can't avoid a few fiascoes in relationships and every relationship,( be it changed or unchanged), teaches you something, I think I'd honor a relationship which has been robust, sturdy and unchanged. I strongly refuse to believe in the 'People evolve, things change, tastes begin to differ and hence relationships dilute' philosophy. Relationships are supposed to be everlasting, permanent and change-proof.

While change is an essential part of life in a few aspects(remember it stands for progress, newness , freshness and spells advancement) , unchangeability is an even more critical element of life as it makes life seem more purposeful and retains the very meaning of it.

If change is the definition of life, then unchangeability is the elixir of life which cures the ills of the heart, mind and soul and gives the impetus to live life king-size. Regardless of how change-soaked we are, it’s only the unchanged aspects which usher a sense of peace and bliss into our lives. No matter how unitedly we sing the change hymn every day, deep within our hearts we are all secretly yearning for those things which haven’t changed over the years.

Measure your wealth by the number of things that haven’t changed - they form your identity, they are your true possessions and they are your riches.

For

my family,

my school and teachers( specifically Ms. Mary Josephine, who's been with LFHS for a whopping 47 years and is still with school retaining the excellent standards of education. I wish I could continue writing out the names of all my teachers who are still with school. Their unchanged commitment and passion for the field of education keeps the flag of Little Flower flying high in the sky.)

and some friends ..

Wishing all these precious things of mine, a lot of unchangeability !! :-)

Cheers !

The "24" gospels ..

As I stand just 15 days away from the 24^th milepost of this rather adventurous expedition, I feel a pressing desire to manipulate the clock, scoot towards the gradually widening image of this important milestone on my road and triumphantly shriek that I’ve found the twenty-fifth clue in this lovely game of treasure hunt!!!

I know I’m childishly kindling an uproar on turning 24, but that’s primarily coz this year happened to be extremely glorious yet impactful, a year of worldly experience and squarely, it was a year of extremes - of friendship and hostility, of affection and hatred, of meetings and departures, of cachinnations and bitter cries and of monotony and sharp changes.

I didn’t know I’d unearth a treasure trove of high-spirited buddies, non-stop fun and wild laughter on Level 7 of ADP Pvt Ltd when I was joining it. Never did I enjoy so much before, not even in school or college. As time rolled by , my bonds and roots in my team grew stronger than ever before and I felt so safe,secure and settled in the company of afew that I foolishly failed to realize the ‘permanent’ element of‘temporariness’ in almost everything around me.

With time befell change – the slew of events starting from the offer to change my technology to my subsequent exit from my team, the changed circumstances after my shift to the headquarters and a string of other personal experiences this year taught me so much, which I don’t remember has ever happened before. I call them the ’24 gospels’ of my 24^th year:

1) Independence: Being totally dependent on others (financial, emotional or even work-related) would puncture your self-esteem. One would eventually become a to-be-taken-for-granted element whose feelings are played around with as if it were a football. There is no bliss superior to the bliss that grows out of being able to live on your own self.

2) Money: Money comes in and goes out at its own will. You can’t really establish a firm control over its inflow or outflow. The more you try to save, the more you lose.

3)Expectations: Diminished expectations mean diminished proximity. The best way to enjoy life is to invest your love, trust, energies and time in people who meet your expectations. By doing this you’d avoid giving someone the prerogative to hurt you.

4) Love: All its flavors blind you totally– you rarely realize the reality as your mind refuses to be practical. Beware of loving in extremes – firstly it wears you down, and secondly, it doesn’t even melt the heart of the person you love. Holding a person too tight for the fear of losing him/her, would eventually lead to a lot of mess and sometimes even separation.

5) Unrequited Love: We as ‘intellectual’ human beings reject people who genuinely love us and chase people who don’t care to reciprocate to our feelings. It’s up to you as to whom you’d choose between the two.

6) Relations: Some relations have no names. There are constant tiffs and misunderstandings but equally constant patch ups; for no reason, the other person appears as extremely important as other blood relations coz despite frequent quarrels, you love the other person just as you love your own family.

7) Friends: Not every Tom, Dick and Harry whom you just wave a ‘Hi’ to or swap smiles with is a ‘friend’.

‘Friends’ are people who willingly take the pain to walk the extra mile to axe your worries and plant happiness. They are those whom you can phone even in the most absurd hour for help. There is so much of understanding and intimacy- you’d never hurriedly clean up your messy house in order to avoid embarrassment when a ‘friend’ is going to drop in. It is such friends who matter. All the rest are just ‘acquaintances’, not friends.

8) Ego: The monster which can burn a relation into cinders. It’s ok to be egoistic with strangers but not with our own people. Ego should never become more important than a person. If a sorry can help a relationship, why not say it rather than being egoistic?

9) Departures: Every new meet signifies an impending departure. Every new person you meet will wave good bye some day. When you are confident of your relation (whichever it is), departures don’t hurt. But when you feel that a departure might dilute your relationship, then probably the relationship was never as strong as you thought it was.

10) Distance: Distance is like wind to fire – It extinguishes the small and kindles the great. Distance never matters in any relationship provided both the parties are interested in each other.

11) Loneliness: Loneliness, as against the common notion, is caused by a single person and not by many. In fact it happens when this single person, who assumes priority, ceases to communicate. Nobody, not even the whole world, except this person can break this shell of loneliness.

12) Work: A person’s tightest circle of friends happens to lie outside the professional circuit. It’s not that colleagues can’t be friends. It’s just that by the time you are 22-25 your world and comfort zone would already have been chosen and built. People find it difficult to start and maintain new relationships. Even if they start new ones, they are not as strong as the previous ones.

13) Change: The world around me always kept changing, my priorities, my ideas, my choices and sometimes even the proximity in relationships - everything kept changing. As change is inevitable, we might as well embrace it with a smile than resist it with a frown. Time, tide and change wait for none !!!

14) God and prayers: The Almighty I believe in, listens to my simple-worded prayers regardless of the place and time I choose. I need no interpreters or pujaris to mediate between me and Him. He is an all-loving and selfless entity who doesn’t expect pricey rituals and opulent gifts in return for granting my wishes.

15)Dissent : Starting gross catfights in public places only because the others disagree with your opinion, is clinching evidence to say that you are uncivilized, uncultured and crass.

Remember that if you worship Chiranjeevi, the other person might find it ridiculous that you worship a film actor who’s just doing his profession. We, as a part of literati should be able to respect the other person’s perspective no matter how different it is from ours.

16) Decency: When you make derogatory remarks, spread canards about somebody else’s personal life, turning their helplessness into your supreme advantage, it first dents your image in the society. As educated people working with firms of international repute, it’s better to suppress the temptation to turn on the rumor mill.

17) Expression: Remarks like “I’m not expressive, hence I don’t express. I’m not talkative, hence I don’t talk”, shoots the levels of frustration in people around. Is there a difference between you and a wayfarer on the road when you don’t express and talk to your own people?

18) Opposite gender: Limits between two friends of opposite genders are more demarcated in comparison with two friends of the same gender. It’s wise to be in total consciousness of these limits, which if crossed can usher unwarranted disturbances. Getting needlessly possessive and mawkish in such relations would spell doom.

19) Girls and the myth: From legends to ‘Pyaar Ka Punchnama’ – one phrase that reverberates along the length and breadth of the planet– ‘girls are difficult to understand’.

Just one addition to this universally accepted expression – ‘guys also’. I’ve seen extremely unpredictable and cranky people among girls and guys equally. So that makes every person unique and equally abstruse irrespective of gender.

20) People: People are generally compared to clouds which are of two kinds – passing and showering. A cloud might seem like a showering one at the outset, but beware!!! it might eventually give you the slip and pass off without you noticing. Our trust is too precious to be invested in a passing cloud.

21) Communication: A person with commendable communication skills but no knowledge often steals the thunder away from a person with enormous knowledge but poor skills in communication. God knows if this is injustice. But as humans we get drawn to people with the art of oration.

22) Responsibilities: As perfectly quoted by a person dear to me, ‘responsibilities should be fulfilled out of pleasure and not out of pressure’. A person whose shoulders are burdened with a flood of responsibilities is vulnerable to bouts of frustration and abandonment which has cascading repercussions at every stage of his/her life.

23) Marriage: An institution which can be compared to the seeds sown in soil. You can either reap a marvelous harvest or suffer a lethal catastrophe. This year I got to see one of the ideal couples in an ideal marriage. I was bowled over by the unfathomable extent to which a couple can love, understand and dedicate themselves to each other.

24) Parents: If there is something that is eternal, perennial and unchallenged, in this world fraught with cruel temporariness, it is precisely the love of our very own parents. Parents are those who’d choose to starve themselves in order to ensure that you have a sumptuous Bawarchi Biryani for dinner. Nobody in this world can ever match the quantum of love they have for us, for their love is selfless, immaculate, pure and matchless.

In a few old posts, I remember expressing my desire to journey backwards in time to relive certain precious moments. But now, there is a change in my school of thought. I am fond of my past but if given a chance, I wouldn’t choose to go back, for I’m totally in love with my present. I’d always cherish memories but would prefer living the current moment no matter how favorable or challenging the things are. Life is only about the present,neither the past nor the future.

The latter half of this year was journeyed on a not-so-smooth road; life and people continue to amaze me on a daily basis and I love the lessons I get to learn from them, for, in life there are no regrets,but only lessons.

***********

Dedicated to my family, my mom in particular, whose love,guidance, upbringing and relentless efforts for the past 24 years has made me whatever I’m today. She’s an ocean of inspiration, energy, emotional support and the sole purpose behind my very existence.

***********

On this occasion, I’d like to write a little about a few special ones who made my world much more beautiful and also helped me grow as a person in all these years …

Dhaston, Mirza and Sreekanth – Despite my inevitable shift to F9, Mr Sreeku’s exit from ADP, and the rest of the two joining a new team in LCC, ADP for me is synonymous to these three names. I spent the most memorable phase of my life with all the 3 of them.

Sreeku has always been the best gift which ADP gave me for I’ve enjoyed an unusual association with him. He contributed to a majority of those 24 gospels. My guide, mentor, senior and friend.

Dhaston - the czar of expressions and the indisputable sweetheart (a sweetheart is a person liked by all ra… That’s what I mean :P) of EZP –I bugged him beyond limits :D … One of the most decent human beings I got to meet and quite a close buddy.

and Mirza- who cloaks his sense of humor and funny side ina serious exterior(I feel like rofl when I say ‘serious’ :D ) – I can never stop laughing the moment he starts talking. My all-time chum here!! I really miss those days of fun!!

***

Kiran Joshi: Perfect example to the fact that intimacy doesn’t depend on the number of years you know each other for. An association of just 6 Sundays in MAQ Software led to such an amazing friendship. I guess MAQ came my way only to introduce him to me; otherwise it was quite purposeless ;-)... The way he manages his rather huge circle without disappointing anyone is astounding... It’s just been 2 years and I feel I know him for decades!!

Gaya3: If you’ve heard that ‘ideal’ people don’t exist,then you’re totally mistaken as this girl is ample proof that ideal people do exist. She’s a rare collection of all the virtues in the world. She waves her magic wand and solves any kind of problem. ;-)

Annapurna: A storehouse of talent and courage, yet an epitome of humility which is going to take her places. A person to learn a lot from.

Divya: I could never have imagined my engineering days without her. She scores a 10 on 10 on the scale of friendship and goes to any extent to satisfy her friends. A professionally and personally successful person who is a role model to all of us.

Anil: The cutest amongst all my friends with whom nobody can ever have an issue. Very soft-spoken and innocent!! Takes a lot of pain in arranging surprises and meetings time and again for his friends. I’ve never seen anyone who’s so concerned about his people’s well being.

Aashish and Praveen: I take their names together for all the 3 of us have grown up together. Our association spanning between 1.5 to 2decades, these guys are the first ones I’d rush to with issues as I share an extraordinary intimacy with both of them. They are amongst the first few friends I made on earth. My precious ones!!

Sowmya: My first ever friend is she and I’ve known her for more than 20 years. Plays the role of a sole elder sister who kept looking after me, suggesting, guiding, pampering and sometimes chiding (;-)) me for such a very long time. One of my precious relationships and I wish her a very happy married life.

***I couldn’t help but leave the list unfinished owing to privacy concerns of a few. Nonetheless thanking and acknowledging the contributions of the unmentioned ones.

Closing this long discussion with a lot of regard to all my teachers in school and college, every other schoolmate and college mate,classmates, seniors, juniors, my colleagues, people I worked with in GLT and MAQ, the people who follow my blog without commenting, people who comment on my blog incognito, neighbors, cousins, aunts and uncles, acquaintances, critics –in short every other person I stumbled upon during this duration of 24 years.I’m sure each of you must have had some influence or the other on me.

Meet you all very soon on this space again!!

Lots of luv,

Tarun/Parthu :D

Great expectations..

And so it was an unusually fresh and beautiful morning at office and moments after taking my seat in a sumptuously upbeat temper, I frivolously picked up a quote from the prized cornucopia of 'good morning quotes' I possess, and with a lofty state of mind, group-mailed it to my circle. The quote I happened to broadcast was a faint replica of this: "Never expect things from others as expectations always hurt."

No sooner did I send out the mail than my in-basket on Outlook chirped as new mails kept popping in , all of which were sent in response to the mail I had sent. They were something like this:

"This is what I kept saying. You expect a bit too much from your friends."

"How true !! Expectations always hurt. "

"Precisely !! It'd be nice if you don't expect things from everyone which includes me also ..hehe.. and you’d notice that life is more enjoyable."

"Correcccccct ra.. Expectations are bad. "

One of the responses was from someone who knows me inside out and I was quite clueless on how to react to that mail. I totally respect the individual's perception but may be I wasn't won over by his opinion. In fact there were two responses which victoriously persuaded me into pondering if I really expect a '200%' from my people and I wondered if life can be an uninterrupted festivity if expectations are clipped out . On a very candid note, though it was I who sent across that quote to everyone, I was not in agreement with it ( now don't ask me why I sent it. I sent it simply :P)

'Are expectations so unfulfillable that they should never be made ? ' - was my question.

There were quite a few instances where I and a couple of other friends were blamed for being a bit too high on 'expectancy quotient'.

Abridged extracts from a few experiences:

(i) Wanting your best friend to call you after having made numerous frantic calls to him/her(all of which were unattended) and having written to him/her on how important it is for you to talk to him/her.

(ii) A woman gets outrageously demoralized when she doesn't receive a call of concern from her husband after she reaches Delhi at an unearthly 2 a.m. all alone.

(iii)Waiting for your close friend to affectionately put his/her hand around you , cheer you up and make you talk when you are hurt or lonely or in low spirits .

(iv)Hoping that your soul mate meets you on your birthday so that you could hear that excessively affectionate ' You are my world' from him/her.

(v) While you take the initiative (of either calling/mailing/messaging) 9 out of every 10 times, desiring that your friend at least does it the remaining 1 time. It hurts to do it all 10 times yourself. When a relationship waters down from a two-sided to a one-sided one, it begins to strain.

Do these things really qualify to be great expectations?

If yes, I beg to differ with the majority and feel that these are more of moral responsibilities and duties, basic communication, courtesies, initiatives and manners which form the base of any relationship.

Assuming that I invited a friend to join me and my family for dinner the next day and he doesn't seem to turn up till late in the evening the next day, it is my moral responsibility to give him a call and ask "Hey what's taking you so long ? Have you started?" ?. I can't really care a damn to him, have a rejoicing dinner with my family and merrily slumber and snore away. He'd have certainly expected a call of concern from me. This doesn't mean that my friend 'expects' a lot from me. All it means is that a single call of 15 seconds would have made him feel so very warm and wanted; it would have reassured him that his presence at my place is being longed for.

Small gestures like these which exude concern and care are enough to make your people feel so special and that you need and enjoy their company so much.

I am not really sure if these can be termed ‘expectations’. These are the basic conversations and initiatives which come very naturally in friendship. They don’t have to be explicitly expected or taught; they just flow by involuntarily, out of sheer affection. If these fundamental initiatives are indeed expectations, I make these ‘expectations’ only from a preciously few people.

When I blame a close friend for being unresponsive, inexpressive and not taking enough initiatives, it neither means that I am insulting him and nor does it mean that I am a ‘thope’. It only means that there is an element of completeness in life if he is around. There is a whiff of untellable contentment which I feel in his company and conversations. The very fact that I could afford to blame him/her speaks volumes about how important he/she is to me. I wouldn’t care to blame a stranger, would I?

I’d never expect to be called and cared for, by the others outside my circle as I am neither tied to them and nor am I hurt by their neglectful gestures. This means expectations are only for my people.

I wouldn't care to call them 'my people' if I don't expect anything of them. The moment I'd stop expecting things from my people would be the moment when my love for them would begin to diminish. It would be that fateful occasion when the bonding I had always had with them would not be striking a chord in me any more. It would be that unfortunate second from when the ties I had always had with them would snap forever.

When you proclaim that you never expect things of anyone:

1) you have no ties with anyone

or

2) you are a hypocrite.

There cannot be an option 3 where you have a firm attachment and yet don’t expect. No sincere relationship on earth can ever be possible without expectations.

‘Expectation’ is that ethereally beauteous institution which draws the line between people who are always yours and people who are not.

The golden gospel of life is that 'expectation' is something that defines all your relationships and makes them more purposeful. Expectations are naturally embedded into the framework of all your close relationships and effectively, they tend to form the essence of every relationship. Expectations and relationships are inseparable entities, none of them being able to exist without the other. It is these 'expectations' that add meaning, purpose and beauty to every relationship on earth.

Being heaped with expectations, is an honor in itself as it is a clear-cut indication of how much you are loved, cared and wanted in somebody else's life.

I expect from my people coz I love them unconditionally. I expect coz they fulfil and complete my life. I expect coz they are my world. I expect coz I firmly believe that life is all about living in these invaluable relationships.

In the pursuit of living my life completely, I don’t think I can ever stop expecting, as long as I can keep loving .. coz the moment I'd stop expecting would be the moment I'd stop loving..

P.S.:

1) The number of people who love you madly can be counted on ur fingers. Whether to love them back or to ignore them is in your hands.

2) Any relationship requires equal contribution from both the people involved. One-sided relationships don’t last forever. One person cannot stand at the giving end always. It hurts to be taken for granted.

3) Words like ‘sorry’, ‘thank you’ , ‘please’ have a magical effect and can resurrect and repair any relationship – I am not sure if these are expectations; but they are manners for sure.

4 )Phrases like 'i love you' , 'you mean so much to me' , ' u r one of my best friends' would revive the sagging levels of satisfaction and purge any trace of insecurity in a person. Being expressive always pays.

5) The only possible expectation in any relationship would be affection in return and nothing else.

6)Expectations are not wrong. In fact not making expectations is wrong. Feeling the pain of not receiving affection back (or unfulfilled expectations for that matter, both are the same anyway) is a part of life. This pain brings with it a sense of indefinably weird addiction and comfort. If you avoid the pain, life is not complete.

Be it any relationship- there is love and hence, expectations. With love and expectations are problems. With problems are growth and realization - greater the problem, greater the profundity in your experience.

Instead of resisting yourself from expecting things from others , emancipate your heart and give it the liberty to expect.

Dedicated to

My tight circle.

If I've blamed any of you for not having taken enough initiatives, it only means that I need and love you all so much. - I can't say this to any one else :D

An interview of my 'dreams' !!

My recent junket to Tirumala to attend a dear friend's wedding was an unbelievably phenomenal experience as it was by far the best wedding I ever attended in all these years. Be it the inherent holy atmosphere permeated with melodious chants, be it the flawless hospitality of the hosts, be it the tacit but conspicuous love between the bride and the groom or be it the extremely delectable food served on banana leaves, it was an experience I will cherish for the times to come!!! The enchanting charisma of the couple and the magic of their intense bonding wafted across the place and swept me off my feet and it was then I felt that ‘marriage’ makes complete sense when it comes to couples like them who share such an amazing quantum of understanding, faith and love.

The august wedding drew to an elegant close in the wee hours of a sunday and I sauntered down the street to reach 'Vaikuntam'. A closer look at each of the ‘Queue Complexes’(each of them meant for Dharma Darshan, Sudarshan and Sheegra Darshan) almost stupefied me as all the 3 of them were equally and astonishingly mammoth and impenetrable, fraught with sleep-deprived men, impatient women who calmed their wailing children by giving them a futile swinging motion in their laps, and senior citizens who propped themselves on the railing of the foot-over bridge.

Though I was flustered at the idea of seeking His darshan , in an attempt to please mom, who cautioned me against a darshanless visit to Tirumala, I forced myself into the queue, successfully sought His darshan after a good 3 hours and came back to the guest house with laddoos and not to forget, with a deluge of questions which had fountained in my mind during the 3-hour journey to His sanctum santorum. Fully drained out, I somehow fell prey to the monstrous sleep within, which was constantly pulling down my eyelids with too tremendous a force.

And then, I dreamt of something really unusual.. That I grabbed a chance to interview the Almighty Himself. !! Thus I reported..

'The Almighty allows us to gain a peek into His personal life as He squeezes some time out of His tight schedules.. So here He is in a tete-a-tete with the 'Times'.. '

I: So how does it feel to be the Creator of the universe? I mean the prayers, sevas, pujas, jewellery, prasadam, splendour, diyas , opulence, wealth and most importantly the devotees who queue up for tens and twenties of hours only to catch a glimpse of You ? How is the feeling like ?

God: (Smiles) Being candid, you guys make me feel so very special. In fact I feel so flattered.. But again, playing God is not all that easy you see..I have so many prayers to listen to , umpteen wishes to grant and a lot of 'prasadam' to relish (laughs). So my job really gets tough at times.

I: ' Prayers to listen' .. What kind of prayers do You listen to? Like, lakhs of pilgrims throng the place with hopes of getting their desires fulfilled and most of them sometimes go through hassles and stampedes only to see You.. So does it mean that the prayers of only those who've had such an ordeal are answered by You ?

God: Absolutely not !! I never asked people to come down here and make a wish.. I never expect my devotees to have a hassled journey in order to see me either.. If my people choose to come here and see me , it's just a matter of their belief and satisfaction which I totally appreciate.. And for your information I am omnipresent.. If you wish to , you might as well stay at your place and pray to me.. I shall be all ears to your requests.. !!

I: Well.. while I was standing in the queue, I saw this board indicating the various sevas and their astronomical prices ..


I just learnt that performing these sevas is the best way to please You.. I am certain that there are lakhs of Your devotees whose monthly income is much lesser than the costs of most of these sevas. Does it mean that it's only the economically stable ones who can please You and not the others who can't afford those sevas ?

God: I will overthrow your argument in just one sentence. My abode in Chilkur doesn't have any of the sevas and pujas you are talking about. In fact , it doesn't even have a hundi. Am I not answering your prayers there ? Thousands of people, on a daily basis, come down to thank me for fulfilling their desires.

The concepts of 'God' and 'religion' are being misinterpreted and hyped by all of you. I never asked you to perform these 'sevas' to impress me.. Nor do I favour those who perform them. In fact I answer every single , simple and honest prayer which is said from your heart.

I: To tell You the truth, I came to see You only coz mom insisted. She feels You are easily angered and that going back home without taking Your darshan might annoy You. True?

God: LOL !!!All that's balderdash dear !! That's just a gimmick of your elders to ensure discipline. Anger is the most destructive weapon !! .. I just can't run the universe if I am annoyed for trivial reasons. And you should have gone to your guest house and taken rest, I wouldn't have minded it !! I am not an attention-monger !! Please !! (smiles)

I: You said You are omnipresent. Where else can I see You ?

God: As against the common notion, I don't really possess a definite form or shape. I am rather the massive force which drives the universe. I reside in the rays of the sun at the crack of dawn, in the cold of an evening breeze , in the fragile petals of a flower and in the wetness of every drop of rain which sprouts life on soil .

I am the reason behind the greenery of plants and the blueness of the profound sky. You can feel me in the eternal love of your mom, concern of your siblings, and in the priceless affection of your friends. I am nothing but the consolidation of all the goodness of the world.

I: Anything that You'd like to convey to Your devotees ?

God: Stop banking on mere prayers and start working out things for yourselves. Though I decide the fate of everyone on earth, let me confess, I give in to indomitable fighters who relentlessly fight their fate written by me to live a life of their choice. !!

'Praying' for yourself is a selfish phenomenon. Praying coupled with 'sevas' to impress me and to get your things done is even more a selfish act. Instead of supplicating me for a thousand things for yourself , try praying for peace and happiness in the world.

I: Ok .. Thanks a lot for Your ...

My friend Dhaston, who was gallivanting around Tirumala all throughout the while I was sleeping, slammed the door in impatience as he had been waiting for me to open the door for quite some time. I woke up from my deep slumber to open the door for him.

"Parthu !!!! You were sleeping ??? Don't want to get back to Hyderabad ? Get ready for God's sake !! We are getting late for the train."

P.S. :

-> The first paragraph of this post is dedicated to Sreekanth and Kamala, the protagonists of a wonderful love story which culminated in the extraordinary wedding I attended in Tirumala.

-> Sreeku, I can't get my hair pulled and my ears twisted (:D :D )by dedicating the rest of the blog to both of you. I know you wouldn't really appreciate the not-so-devout opinions written above. Hehe.. :D

-> Gifting both of you a cornucopia filled with joy, success, serendipity, laughter, peace and pleasant surprises :-)

Yours,
Parthu :D

Marring or Marrying ?

These days, I get a feeling that a tete a tete conversation I had with a friend's cousin is now acting like a magnet for thick and dark clouds of pessimism which eventually are looming over my brain, devouring every possible nerve cell of optimism , rendering me an incorrigible pessimist. Today, I confess to my disability of seeing the letter 'y' in the word 'marrying'.. I have no qualms in declaring the fact that my eardrum has learnt to vibrate only to the sound created by the word 'mar' in 'marriage' as the rest of the word gets bleeped out..

With copious topics spanning from politics to cutting-edge technologies, from terrorism to FIFA , and from education to natural calamities making news and drawing debates , the topic of 'marriage' has always been the pick of the lot. We are still spectators to terrific verbal combats about the supremacy of one of the two kinds of marriages over the other - love and arranged. Well if youngsters are eloquent about the pros and cons of the above two varieties of marriage which act as inputs, the seasoned elders are all so fluent with the two kinds of output produced - 'successful' and 'broken' marriages. But hold on.. Is this all ?? Only two types of output ?

Hell no.. There is yet another flavor of this tantalizing icecream of 'marriage' which most people are ignorant , uninformed and turn a blind eye to.. That flavor is what I call a 'loveless' marriage.. The close encounter with my friend's cousin has squeezed my heart, vehemently shaking me into consciousness of the world around me, liberating me from the trance complete with illusions about marital life. From the poignant narration of the series of events he has been a witness to , I realized how a child helplessly faces a barrage of far-reaching repercussions triggered by the 'loveless' marriage of his parents..

A loveless marriage is quite a bizarre phenomenon where a husband and wife are forever crossing swords and daggers with each other, but still choose to live under the same roof with their children , amidst a stench of dislike, disregard, misunderstandings and turmoil. The most appalling part is that in addition to botching up the marital life of the couple, this catastrophe predominantly victimizes the completely innocent children whose only fault is to born in this wedlock.

A four-year old kid who is abundantly excited about his forthcoming birthday,innocently slumbering away to glory after dinner, dreaming of cakes, balloons and gifts , all of a sudden wakes up in horror and shiver, in the dead of the night , to the heavy and loudmouthed baritone voice of his dad (which can be heard across the locality), only to witness him shouting at his mom for reasons unknown to him.. The incident completely mars his high-spirited mood for his birthday and he learns to live and grow with incidents like this which completely mutilate his happiness and naive excitement and also infuse an inferiority complex in him.

He thinks of a variety of possible excuses to avoid his friends when they offer to come to his place to play as he is afraid his dad might as well pick up a fight with his mom , making a mockery of his self esteem and exposing the hollow familial life which he has been so secretive about..As he grows further, he notices his friends organizing surprise parties for the wedding anniversaries of their parents and reacts with sheer indifference, as he has long before stopped wishing his parents on their anniversary as he felt that commemorating a marriage which is nothing more than a hoax has no meaning to it..

It is like the hell breaking loose on him if his peevish parents are financially weak and poor planners.. Bright chances of they being poor planners as they wouldn't have sat together and discussed the future , welfare and progress of the family as they 'wisely' spent a quarter century of their marital life accusing each other of misdemeanour .. The victim in his youth, is now scared to take up new ventures owing to a battered economical condition, labyrinthine responsibilities of his two other siblings and the core commitment of supporting his ageing parents who've spent quite a sizeable time in chaos.. All he can see is an obscure future that awaits him, forcing him to pity his life that has hit a roadblock..

After that enlightening conversation I had , I discerned that courting couples should know what 'marriage' is, why they are getting married and why they'd like to have the next generation.. It's always advisable that they know each other well before getting married.. The prerequisite for a person to marry is 'maturity' as it plays a pivotal role in making a marriage successful . People with immaturity and nonchalant attitude towards life can as well remain single and enjoy their lives on their own terms instead of tying the knot and marring the lives of the spouse and children.

It is imperative that parents understand the fact that for every responsibility they shirk, it is the shoulders of their children that get burdened. Marriage is such a powerfully weird entity which , if flawed, can have 'cascading' effects on the future generations who get punished for no reason. Considering marriage only for the heck of it, or just coz the people in the vicinity are getting married is a sureshot recipe for a disastrous future..

A loveless marriage is sometimes worse than a divorce.. The deadlocked situations of the offspring born in loveless wedlocks are completely unseen, unheard, unidentified, unshared and unsympthasized.. Their suffering is so silent.. Their only mistake is being raised by parents whose marriage is neither a success, nor a failure, but simply 'loveless'..





Wishing him luck , success and harmony

-Tarun

The 'phoney' phones of today !! Huh !!

Getting really candid, I've spent the last two weeks in low spirits as I was extravagantly disquieted by an unpleasant incident which cunningly managed to divert the phenomenal energies of every neuron in my brain into a mammoth ocean of uselessness and futility. The unpleasant incident which I am talking about was a squabble I had with a darling, I emphasize, a 'darling' friend of mine. Perhaps 'squabble' is too exaggerated a word to be used !!. Honestly it was a heated exchange of not-so-pleasant messages between both of us about he reneging on his promise to call me back all the 3 consecutive times I placed a call to him.

Sounds downright trivial isn't it? May be it is.. may be it is not. I might sound horribly cliched but we as human beings tend to expect a lot of things from our loved ones. We expect them to take our calls even in the dead of the night and speak garrulously for hours about how devilish the new boss in the office is or how staggering the collections of Chiranjeevi's son's latest movie is or how torturous the traffic on the Punjagutta flyover in Hyderabad has become of late .

As is my quirk, I expect my friends to promptly reply to every message I simply forward sitting languorously on my bed cruelly dismissing off the criticality of the situation they are in. I want them to call me everday and discuss at length , the silliest of the topics carefully hand-picked from the trash. I feel seriously neglected and supremely distressed when they promise to call me and go back on their word and finally say apologetically that they had forgotten about it. I get so perturbed that the incident almost steers the normal happening of my day-to-day activities to a complete standstill. I have also realized that the graph of my expectations from people has sky-rocketed from the time I got myself the sinful cellphone and to an extent from the time I began using the internet.

The fact that the whole world is just a call or a message away has probably irreverisbly poisoned our minds that we have now begun to take people, their presence and their concern for granted. The very feeling that even the P.M. of India can be contacted by a dialling a petty 10-digited number on the mobile phone , the overweening pride of being able to chat with a friend seven oceans away at any time we fancy , has probably tutored us flawlessly on being so rude and egoistic that we can't digest the 'insult' of our calls going unnoticed or unanswered.

The repercussions of this tutored ego :

-> 'How could she not take my call when she knows that I generally call her at this time everyday?"


-> "Didn't notice that I called you yesterday? Nonsense!! How can the missed-call log not flash my number?"


-> "Ok.. I understand that you were busy and couldn't take my call, but how could you forget to call me back?"


-> "You said you'd call back and you didn't!! How cruel can you get? I am sure you have other friends who are more important than me."












The fireworks that went off between my friend and me were actually ignited by one of these accusations and honestly it was me who made it against my friend. Thankfully, we've sorted out our differences, apologized and have reconciled with each other. I am still so appalled that a phone call could attempt to drown us (we who never had a tiff over any issue till date) in turbulent waters.

But this incident gradually reminded me of my days in primary school when phones weren't that big a hit and were hardly used by people. I recollect that the only means of communication between people were still the plain inland letters and postcards. I vividly remember how my cousin Pratima used to send me letters on a monthly basis and how I used to jump and dance with sheer delight and impatiently snatch away the letter from my dad's hand and read it greedily over and over again in a vain attempt to satisfy my curiosity. I somehow can't forget the glimpses of my mom writing back letters to her close chums with enormous patience and enthusiasm












Though getting in touch with a loved one was an arduous task in those days, the value attached to that person was truly priceless !!!. The naive happiness we felt in receiving a letter from him/her in reply to the one we sent, was absolutely indescribable and too much for words. !!



Cellphones , could have axed the length of communication between people, but they have manifolded the probablity of misunderstandings between them as well. Cellphones have not only made us egoistic but also have bestowed us with liberties to lie and prevaricate, to feign and sham and to elude and escape. There is no dearth of instances when people claim to have forgotten to see the call history, or profess to be out of town or simply state to be extremely busy in a meeting. The worst part is that we have no option except to believe what they are saying. !!

















On the other hand, inland letters and postcards had pure, unadulterated love, affection, concern , enthusiasm and joy associated with them. We never felt offended when our people took their own sweet time to reply to our letters. Infact we enjoyed casting desperate glances at the postbox in our house all throughout the day supplicating God for a speedy reply from them. Though the wait was a little painful, the relief our souls got when we finally received the expected reply , completely nullified the pain we were experiencing. These late replies were innocently and comfortably attributed to postal delays and sometimes to an assumed busy schedule of our loved ones .














During these bygone days of letters and cards, there was excess of love and dearth of sham .. abundance of truth and scarcity of lies.. more of sharing and less of indicting , presence of perfect understanding and absence of misunderstandings .. a palace for humility and no room for ego..


But today the 'delivery report' of every sms you send and call log of every call you place makes your argument even stronger when the poor guy denies having received your message or call. Today's phone is horrendously wicked. It camouflages its ulterior motives of weakening relationships with a facade of glittering and sterling features. It has deceitfully made our prized people so easily accessible , that they have almost lost their importance.


If the value attached to a friend's reply was priceless those days, why is it worth a bauble today ? Which tide of technological advancement has washed away our naive innocence? Why are we left with the only option of enduring these phoney cell phones for the times to come?


P.S.:

-> Dedicated to my friend whom I had a tiff for the first time in 6 years. There is something I'd like to say to him : ' The more we start loving someone, the more we tend to fear losing them. It's a common human tendency coz we can't afford to lose a person chosen among millions.' (Courtesy by Anil :D ) I've controlled the strong desire to mention his name !!! :-)


-> I am over the moon about we demolishing the walls of misunderstandings which had emerged between us in a split of a second.

-> Occasional tiffs with your best friend are good. They are successful in drawing both of you closer to each other. :-)

-> My special thanks to Annapurna for sharing her commendable opinions and ideas with me. This post is an inspiration from one of them.