Tears....... Fears....... Jitters.....

Chafing my long feet were my newly purchased BATA shoes , which successfully augmented my studious appeal , already being radiated by my oiled hair and the neatly pressed formals I donned. September 22nd 2005 was the date.. I still so vividly remember !! This was the day when I actually entered into MGIT , with a thoroughly ungratified, reluctant, demoralised and most importantly, a petrified mindset. Dejected I was because the castles I gingerly built in the air about making it big with BITS had freshly and gracefully dashed into the ground , heinously blowing each and every brick of my elegant dream into smithereens and punching a thousand painful holes in my self confidence..

Having been used to a different aura , the atmosphere here in college appeared to be a little deviated. Thanks to the fluency of my seniors and peers in ribald language , their two-penny jokes about the opposite sex , the eloquent discussions about promiscuity and porn , I landed safe into a mire of promising agony , so much so that I almost forgot to smile. More appalling and excruciating was the humiliation and flak from some of my fellow classmates. It was the last straw when one of the girls openly remarked that my worthlessness would totally ruin the reputation of my class.. Respite from this trauma came in the form of one of my classmates, Sarita. I began to dig into the endless pit and endeavoured to resurrect my long forgotten smiles and laughs. I still remain indebted to this friend of mine who cut jokes and played pranks only to see me smile..

My stupendous success in my first year exams not only torpedoed all the disdainful remarks with its might, but also reinstilled in me a great sense of satisfaction and happiness.

The paradigmatic introvertedness in me began to take a backseat with the majestic entry of my juniors. Its a matter of complete serendipity to have had such lovable and humble juniors who've now occupied a very soft corner in my heart.. Still can't forget their phenomenal cooperation when we had to postpone our freshers party owing to reasons galore.. It was finally a decent success due to loads of supreme cooperation and understanding from them.

I steadily began to realise that most of my classmates possess immaculate hearts. If it wasn't for their gigantic support and unflinching encouragement I couldn't have accomplished anything concrete as the class representative.. I also discovered my latent skills in writing and began to jolt them. Working for the literary department in Qubit for all the 3 years was yet another accomplishment !!

Fun and frolic became a daily phenomenon during my 3rd and 4th years. Bunking classes , the surreptitious munches on toffees during classes, schmoozing away to glory in the retreat , skipping internals, watching movies , gallivanting around the city, mimicking the lecturers .... Aaaah !! Life at its best !!

I frankly hate to digest the fact that my engineering is drawing to an inevitable close..In these four years, I was extolled and humiliated , I was loved and despised , I was emulated and slandered , I was trusted and accused , I was guided and deceived , I was jubilant and dismayed , I was befriended and repudiated, I was called humble by many and supercilious by a few , I was called innocent by pals and flirtatious by others , I lay enthralled by that beautiful zephyr and I was shaken off the ground when it transformed into a tempestuous storm.

Today, there is this fear crawling down my spine , a terrific premonition looming large , the fear of bidding good bye to all my close friends , those friends who've been everything to me !! No matter how hard we try to keep in touch with each other in the near future and no matter how many reunions we organize , will we ever have the same intimacy ?? Will I ever be able to see all 66 classmates together ?? Perhaps some of them might even forget that there existed someone called 'Tarun'..

The terms of life are so stringent that it changes your priorites and preferences every now and then.. Rules in schools , colleges and for that matter , rules laid down by parents can also be flouted.. But can the terms and conditions stipulated by life be broken ?? All I can do now is to simply bow my head in acceptance to those rules of life and move forward reposing all the worthwhile lessons I learnt here..But why can't I turn the clock back and relive all the precious moments of my engineering ?? Why can't anyone out there wipe off that heavy tear trickling down my face when I begin to reminiscence my college days ??

"Kitni Baatein Yaad Aathi Hain.. Tasweer Aisi Ban Jaathi Hain ...Main Kaise Inhe Bhooloon ?? Dil Ko Kya Samjaaon ?? "