Great expectations..

And so it was an unusually fresh and beautiful morning at office and moments after taking my seat in a sumptuously upbeat temper, I frivolously picked up a quote from the prized cornucopia of 'good morning quotes' I possess, and with a lofty state of mind, group-mailed it to my circle. The quote I happened to broadcast was a faint replica of this: "Never expect things from others as expectations always hurt."

No sooner did I send out the mail than my in-basket on Outlook chirped as new mails kept popping in , all of which were sent in response to the mail I had sent. They were something like this:

"This is what I kept saying. You expect a bit too much from your friends."

"How true !! Expectations always hurt. "

"Precisely !! It'd be nice if you don't expect things from everyone which includes me also ..hehe.. and you’d notice that life is more enjoyable."

"Correcccccct ra.. Expectations are bad. "

One of the responses was from someone who knows me inside out and I was quite clueless on how to react to that mail. I totally respect the individual's perception but may be I wasn't won over by his opinion. In fact there were two responses which victoriously persuaded me into pondering if I really expect a '200%' from my people and I wondered if life can be an uninterrupted festivity if expectations are clipped out . On a very candid note, though it was I who sent across that quote to everyone, I was not in agreement with it ( now don't ask me why I sent it. I sent it simply :P)

'Are expectations so unfulfillable that they should never be made ? ' - was my question.

There were quite a few instances where I and a couple of other friends were blamed for being a bit too high on 'expectancy quotient'.

Abridged extracts from a few experiences:

(i) Wanting your best friend to call you after having made numerous frantic calls to him/her(all of which were unattended) and having written to him/her on how important it is for you to talk to him/her.

(ii) A woman gets outrageously demoralized when she doesn't receive a call of concern from her husband after she reaches Delhi at an unearthly 2 a.m. all alone.

(iii)Waiting for your close friend to affectionately put his/her hand around you , cheer you up and make you talk when you are hurt or lonely or in low spirits .

(iv)Hoping that your soul mate meets you on your birthday so that you could hear that excessively affectionate ' You are my world' from him/her.

(v) While you take the initiative (of either calling/mailing/messaging) 9 out of every 10 times, desiring that your friend at least does it the remaining 1 time. It hurts to do it all 10 times yourself. When a relationship waters down from a two-sided to a one-sided one, it begins to strain.

Do these things really qualify to be great expectations?

If yes, I beg to differ with the majority and feel that these are more of moral responsibilities and duties, basic communication, courtesies, initiatives and manners which form the base of any relationship.

Assuming that I invited a friend to join me and my family for dinner the next day and he doesn't seem to turn up till late in the evening the next day, it is my moral responsibility to give him a call and ask "Hey what's taking you so long ? Have you started?" ?. I can't really care a damn to him, have a rejoicing dinner with my family and merrily slumber and snore away. He'd have certainly expected a call of concern from me. This doesn't mean that my friend 'expects' a lot from me. All it means is that a single call of 15 seconds would have made him feel so very warm and wanted; it would have reassured him that his presence at my place is being longed for.

Small gestures like these which exude concern and care are enough to make your people feel so special and that you need and enjoy their company so much.

I am not really sure if these can be termed ‘expectations’. These are the basic conversations and initiatives which come very naturally in friendship. They don’t have to be explicitly expected or taught; they just flow by involuntarily, out of sheer affection. If these fundamental initiatives are indeed expectations, I make these ‘expectations’ only from a preciously few people.

When I blame a close friend for being unresponsive, inexpressive and not taking enough initiatives, it neither means that I am insulting him and nor does it mean that I am a ‘thope’. It only means that there is an element of completeness in life if he is around. There is a whiff of untellable contentment which I feel in his company and conversations. The very fact that I could afford to blame him/her speaks volumes about how important he/she is to me. I wouldn’t care to blame a stranger, would I?

I’d never expect to be called and cared for, by the others outside my circle as I am neither tied to them and nor am I hurt by their neglectful gestures. This means expectations are only for my people.

I wouldn't care to call them 'my people' if I don't expect anything of them. The moment I'd stop expecting things from my people would be the moment when my love for them would begin to diminish. It would be that fateful occasion when the bonding I had always had with them would not be striking a chord in me any more. It would be that unfortunate second from when the ties I had always had with them would snap forever.

When you proclaim that you never expect things of anyone:

1) you have no ties with anyone

or

2) you are a hypocrite.

There cannot be an option 3 where you have a firm attachment and yet don’t expect. No sincere relationship on earth can ever be possible without expectations.

‘Expectation’ is that ethereally beauteous institution which draws the line between people who are always yours and people who are not.

The golden gospel of life is that 'expectation' is something that defines all your relationships and makes them more purposeful. Expectations are naturally embedded into the framework of all your close relationships and effectively, they tend to form the essence of every relationship. Expectations and relationships are inseparable entities, none of them being able to exist without the other. It is these 'expectations' that add meaning, purpose and beauty to every relationship on earth.

Being heaped with expectations, is an honor in itself as it is a clear-cut indication of how much you are loved, cared and wanted in somebody else's life.

I expect from my people coz I love them unconditionally. I expect coz they fulfil and complete my life. I expect coz they are my world. I expect coz I firmly believe that life is all about living in these invaluable relationships.

In the pursuit of living my life completely, I don’t think I can ever stop expecting, as long as I can keep loving .. coz the moment I'd stop expecting would be the moment I'd stop loving..

P.S.:

1) The number of people who love you madly can be counted on ur fingers. Whether to love them back or to ignore them is in your hands.

2) Any relationship requires equal contribution from both the people involved. One-sided relationships don’t last forever. One person cannot stand at the giving end always. It hurts to be taken for granted.

3) Words like ‘sorry’, ‘thank you’ , ‘please’ have a magical effect and can resurrect and repair any relationship – I am not sure if these are expectations; but they are manners for sure.

4 )Phrases like 'i love you' , 'you mean so much to me' , ' u r one of my best friends' would revive the sagging levels of satisfaction and purge any trace of insecurity in a person. Being expressive always pays.

5) The only possible expectation in any relationship would be affection in return and nothing else.

6)Expectations are not wrong. In fact not making expectations is wrong. Feeling the pain of not receiving affection back (or unfulfilled expectations for that matter, both are the same anyway) is a part of life. This pain brings with it a sense of indefinably weird addiction and comfort. If you avoid the pain, life is not complete.

Be it any relationship- there is love and hence, expectations. With love and expectations are problems. With problems are growth and realization - greater the problem, greater the profundity in your experience.

Instead of resisting yourself from expecting things from others , emancipate your heart and give it the liberty to expect.

Dedicated to

My tight circle.

If I've blamed any of you for not having taken enough initiatives, it only means that I need and love you all so much. - I can't say this to any one else :D